And I was confused, in the aftermath, for at the time things had been celebratory; therefore, I adopted a celebratory point of view. This viewpoint was not shared, however, amongst those with whom I was celebrating. Having been victorious, I naturally assumed a modestly regal disposition, never boasting, but still refusing to abide by certain particular norms governing public conduct. This was, of course, the right thing to do, but my interlocutors saw my unleashed pleasure as a sign of licentious decadence, and sought to unhinge its cartography. What was I to do but awake the next morn amidst a cacophonous onslaught of rumour and slander, delicately dealt out prior to my first meal of the day? And as the eggs cracked and the bacon sizzled, the syrup swathing the ham in a viscous layer of saccharine sentimentality, I coughed, and exhaled that cough, my exhalation quickly followed by an intake of breath. For my resilience was about to be tested, my conduct questioned, as I sauntered quietly to the bathroom and promptly drowned three tylenols.