Valentine's Day Disappointments

Yup, back in to stinking Valentine's Day. Nothing happening on my end besides an empty jar of pickles and someone on television with a 150 pound tumor. That's what my roommate says anyway. That's _______ huge. Reminds me of, I don't know, Valentine's Day? I couldn't even watch faithful Q: the Winged Serpent; I thought watching good old Quetzalcoatl fly around preying on the living would bring back that Valentine's spirit, but not this time. Sorry Q, maybe in my next life you'll bring me back as someone who gives a fuck. About Valentine's day. For suckers. Valentine's day's for suckers. What does Mick Jagger say? The times they are a changin'? No, that's Kieth Richards, Kieth Richards said that stupid, you're stupid.

Stupid

Here's the top 10 ways my top ten 10 partners have dissappointed me over the years:

Stupid

10. No. That was me. No. that wasn't me. OKAY, that's mine, Jesus Christ you spoiled . . .

9. Look, I know you like the sweater, but the sweater isn't mine. I borrowed it from my cous . . . No, seriously, she's my cousin. That's who I borrowed it . . . What are you doing with that? Come on, I can't afford to buy another . . . For the sake of . . .

8. Yes, I had a great time at mass. And those pancakes were excellent. I really like it when you do that with your hair. You look really beautiful. Jesus, am I dating Catherine De Neuve? So ah, . . .

Oh come on . . .

7. Seriously, its a work related vacation. Its just a weekend. No, she won't be there. Look, it happened a long time ago. We've discussed this. No, that was another Shambalina. Yeah, I know it sounds weird, . . . I do, I do know two Shambalinas. Why don't you . . . Who are you calling? Wait, okay her name's . . .

6. Hey, great, "Friends" is on. Again. Why don't we call up some of your friends and watch it with them? That will be so much fun! Can we eat some vegetables? Great, I'll grab the Kale!

5. No, they can't stay. I don't feel like playing the games. I can't, I can't play the games. Its always so awkard. I never know what they're getting at. I don't understand what they mean precisely. The innuendo's killing me. I'm hot I'm cold. . . . . . . . Hey, they're your parents.

4. Okay okay. Great, lets play Jeopardy!

3. I'm never going to get it. No, never. Seriously, I don't . . . That's what I mean by . . . Never, never means . . . There's a misunderstanding, what I mean to say is . . . No, in 3 mont . . . You see, in 3 months nothing will have changed, thats why I've used the word . . .

2. Polka dots. Always with the polka dots. No, don't get me wrong, I love the polka dots. Seriously, I'm doing the polka here. Look; you're not looking. Come on, Polka dots, polka dot party . . . In relation to what? . . . In relation to WHAT?

1. Yes, I love you too.